Home
by Seigi-san
Summary: An AU fic about what could have happened if they'd found him before the Alliance. MxM, rated T for whatever.
1. Chapter 1

"You should get some sleep."

He glanced up at the one who'd spoken, offering a small smile. "I'll be okay."

A sigh, and she knelt down beside him, taking one of his hands between both of hers. "You really want to stay here?"

He nodded. "Until I know."

She smiled rather sadly. "Even if it's bad news?"

"Yeah."

"You haven't told her, then?"

He shook his head. "How can I? If I tell her, and he doesn't pull through, it'll only make her feel worse."

"And you, too. You've been through enough today. I can wait instead, if you'd like."

Kira smiled. "Thanks. But I want to do this for them. I owe them both a lot."

She nodded, and reached up to pull a spare blanket from the foot of one of the sickbay beds, draping it around his shoulders. "At least keep warm."

"How is she?"

She shook her head. "She won't talk to anyone. Miriallia-san said she went straight into her office after the battle, and she hasn't come out."

He rubbed his free hand over his face. "Did he really...jump in front of the ship?"

Lacus nodded. " _Dominion_ fired - he used Strike as a shield. To protect everyone."

He smiled slightly. "To protect _her_."

"Yes."

"Think you could try talking to her?"

"I wouldn't know the first thing to say to her. My situation...it isn't the same." Which was true enough, so he didn't ask further. Instead he closed his eyes and leaned back against the wall with a sigh.

"I can wait with you."

He smiled. "Bartfeld-san would send search parties." Cracking open one eye he squeezed her hand. "I'll be fine. Don't worry."

"Alright. Take care. And.." She glanced at the closed door of the other room. "And I hope he comes through it."

"Thanks."

How long he waited, he wasn't really sure. Once or twice he slipped into a fitful sleep, and another time Miri brought him a tray of cafeteria food, scolding him gently for sitting on the floor, but mostly it was waiting, staring into a corner of the darkened sickbay and thinking about everything that had happened. The battle, and Klueze's taunts. Losing Fllay, then finding Mwu-san. Strike had been in fragments, barely recognisable aside from the cockpit section which he'd begged Cagalli to take back to _Archangel._ None of them had even considered that its pilot might still be alive. _It was just so he wasn't stuck out there. He deserved better than that._

How he'd survived, no-one knew. He'd been covered in blood, so much so that the tattered remains of his pilot suit had been red instead of purple. Even his helmet visor had shattered. _When Murdoch-san said he was still breathing, no-one believed him at first._ They'd rushed him to sickbay, every medically-trained member of the crew rallying to the call, and so far no-one had come out of surgery. He shouldn't get his hopes up, he knew. The sickbay was too small, not equipped properly to deal with such injuries as Mwu-san had. But still he waited.

And after what seemed like days (maybe it had been?) the surgery door opened and the ship's doctor walked out, looking exhausted. Scrambling to his feet Kira stared at the man, wanting to ask but being afraid of what the answer might be. The doctor sighed, running a hand through sparse hair.

"He shouldn't have survived." he said, voice faint with fatigue.

"But...he did?"

A nod. "Somehow. He has a remarkable constitution."

Kira grinned, more relieved than he knew how to say. "Can I see him?"

"He's asleep right now, and I'd say the fewer visitors the better."

He nodded thoughtfully. "One would be okay though, right?"

* * *

At first, she wouldn't let him in. It was only when he threatened to camp outside her door that she finally relented, letting him into a dimmed room. She sat behind her desk, a lamp illuminating the papers before her, and barely looked up as he approached.

"I'm glad you're all right."

Kira winced. There was no emotion in her voice at all, just a dull disinterest. Moving closer he held out a hand to her. "I have something to show you."

"I'd rather stay here."

"It's important."

"Not right now." There was a trace of irritation in her voice now. "I have work to do."

He frowned. "You're not working. You're hiding." He expected an angry retort, to even be told to leave, but instead she laughed humourlessly.

"Yes, I suppose I am. But it's easier than being out there."

"People care, you know."

"I know." A tired sigh. "And that's why. I couldn't face it - all that sympathy. It makes it worse."

He sat down in the chair opposite hers, able to see a little of her face. She looked exhausted, eyes red-rimmed and shadowed with violet - she probably hadn't slept since the night before the battle.

She evidently noticed his concern, as she managed a small smile. "And you're the same."

"Only because you haven't been sleeping."

She shrugged. "Haven't tried." She didn't say anything more about it, but he guessed that she was likely afraid to sleep - afraid of what she might see in her dreams.

"Will you come with me?"

"Are you going to keep asking?"

"Yes."

She remembered too well how it had been after _he_ had died. Kindness, sympathy, friends refusing to leave her alone - it had almost suffocated her after a while. All she'd wanted was to be by herself to think about him, to remember the time they'd had together. And this had been the same. The hands on her shoulder, the soft words, the pressure of people around her. _I couldn't stand it. I know they mean well, but I don't want it. Just to be left alone._ And so far, people had. But Kira-kun was more persistent than most.

"I don't want to go out there." Most likely she sounded petulant, but she didn't much care.

"If I told you why, you would."

"Then tell me."

The boy sighed, then smiled. "Mwu-san's alive."

Whatever she'd been expecting him to say, that wasn't it. Fingers curled so tightly around her pen her knuckles turned white she stared at him, waiting for the punchline. "You.."

"He's in sickbay. We found him out there and brought him back. He's pretty badly hurt - he was in surgery for a long time - but the doctor says he'll pull through." Kira-kun's smile grew, and he held out his hand again. "Let's go see him."

She followed her younger friend in a sort of daze, half expecting to wake up any moment. She'd seen what had happened to Strike...there was no way Mwu could be alive. But Kira-kun wouldn't lie. Shaking her head she pinched herself sharply, digging fingernails into her skin until they almost drew blood.

"Murrue-san, it's alright. You're not dreaming."

"Promise?"

"I promise." He led her into sickbay, past beds of sleeping patients and up to a door which slid open noiselessly. "After you."

Somewhat nervously she stepped inside. The lights were dimmed save for a machine in the corner which measured heart rate in a steady green flickering, lending the figure in the bed an eerie glow. He was wrapped almost head to foot in bandages - only closed eyes and a few tufts of blonde hair were visible, but that was all she needed. Accepting the chair Kira-kun offered she sat down beside the bed, very carefully taking one bandaged hand between both of hers. And she smiled, unheeding of the tears that began to fall.

"He shouldn't be here, should he?"

"But he is." her friend replied softly. "He knew he had someone to go back to."

Her smile grew at the fanciful vision. "Whatever the reason, I'm glad."

The door closed, he leaving her alone with the sleeping pilot. Leaning closer, Murrue kissed the back of his hand.

"You idiot." More tears welling up she brushed them away impatiently. "You big _idiot!_ What did you have to do something like that for? Didn't you know how much it'd hurt me? Didn't you care?" And she cried, face buried in the thin sheet that covered him. She hadn't let herself cry since it had happened, but now relief mixed with worry and pain made it all too much. Distantly she knew that she was more angry at herself than at him - if she'd been a better captain, been a real officer like Natarle, he might not have had to do something like that. It was her fault.

"I'll make it up to you," she promised them both. "I'll help you get well, if you'll let me. However long it takes." Still holding his hand she moved closer and kissed his cheek gently.

She had a chance to make things right, and she wouldn't waste it.

* * *

(Had this story hanging around for centuries, and with luck it'll go somewhere xD

Please read and review! )


	2. Chapter 2

"Has he woken up yet?"

The captain smiled, placing a finger to her lips and beckoning her inside. "Not yet," she replied quietly. "The doctors say sleep's the best thing for him." Moving slowly, she unwound a length of soiled bandage from his right leg, removing padded dressings to reveal a large red gash on his calf. Lacus winced, averting her eyes, but the captain began to clean the wound gently, wiping away dried blood with a cloth soaked in a pinkish liquid. It didn't seem to bother her at all.

"Doesn't it hurt? Seeing him like this?"

"Yes." was the simple reply. "But I don't just want to sit at his bedside and do nothing. This way I can help him recover." She smiled up at the younger woman. "Besides, he's a terrible patient, and I have a feeling he'd complain less if I were the one to do this."

"How long do they think it'll take?"

A shrug. "As long as it takes, I guess. At least a few months, maybe a year." Applying lotion to the cleaned injury she opened a package of sterile dressings. "When you think about it, he shouldn't have survived at all, so I can't complain." Her tone was matter-of-fact, but the shine of tears in her eyes was easy to see even in the dimly lit room.

"Captain.."

"Sorry." She blinked a couple of times before smiling again. "I'm all right." Reaching for a new roll of bandages she began to bind up his leg, making sure the dressing was held securely in place. "I shouldn't be like this."

"Why not? No-one would mind."

The captain glanced up at the sleeping man. " _He_ would. When he got hurt before he told me off for crying - he said he wasn't worth that."

Lacus smiled. "Sometimes emotion makes boys uncomfortable."

That brought an answering smile from the older woman. "Yes, it does. But it's different for him. I think it makes him uncomfortable because he doesn't understand why someone would cry for him." Taking his hand she squeezed gently. "Big idiot. Why _wouldn't_ I cry?" There was a real tenderness to her smile and voice, and in the way she stroked his hair that made Lacus almost jealous. Though she cared about Kira she didn't know how much that feeling was reciprocated - they were a long way from being a couple. Athrun was a dear friend, but had only been her fiance through the arrangement of their parents. To love someone like the captain clearly loved her pilot was something she'd never known but always wanted.

"I hope he wakes up soon."

Another smile. "Thank you."

* * *

Typically Mwu, he slept for days. She'd visited every morning and evening to change his dressings and clean the wounds underneath (which were healing nicely), shaking her head when the nurse on duty offered to do it for her. Being on their way back to Earth there wasn't much else for her to do save for keeping an eye on the ceasefire talks and the slow repairs to _Archangel_ , and as a result she spent quite a bit of time reading or just sitting by his bedside. No doubt he'd appreciate all the downtime - he'd always chided her for working too hard. Humming softly to herself she worked to clean the injury on his right forearm, mopping away sweat and crusted blood with diluted antiseptic. It still hurt to see him like this, but much less than it had. Instead there was a sort of pride that she was doing her part, that she was helping him recover.

After applying dressings and bandages to his arm she shuffled her chair sideways to work on his face, very carefully snipping away the mask of wrappings to reveal the wound he'd gotten from his helmet visor. It came across his left cheekbone and forked over his nose and a little way up his forehead, the skin around it still red and puffy, but she smiled, leaning down to kiss the tip of his nose before beginning to clean the injury gently.

"What am I going to do with you? The minute I let you out of my sight you end up like this."

His nose twitched. Pausing for a moment she watched him, then when the movement wasn't repeated she continued her work with a smile. _Probably dreaming._

Turning away for a moment she rinsed the blood from the cloth with warm water before resoaking it in the antiseptic solution and turning back to him.

Only to almost drop the cloth when she saw him looking right at her. He looked tired still, blue eyes only halfway open, and he had to blink a couple of times before he was able to focus on her, but once he did he managed a weak smile. He opened his mouth and tried to talk, eyebrows dipping in a slight frown when nothing came out.

"It's all right," Murrue reassured him. "It'll come back."

He smiled again, rather ruefully this time, glancing down at himself as much as he was able to. And she laughed. "Yes, you've done a pretty good job."

A roll of his eyes, then he looked her up and down.

"I'm all right, don't worry. You did it - you saved us."

A pleased smile, then he seemed to realise something was different on his face, he almost crossing his eyes to try and see his nose before peeking back up at her.

"There'll be a scar there, though they'll probably be able to remove that. And it's not that bad. But I have to finish cleaning it, and it might sting a bit." Moving closer she dabbed carefully at the injury, smiling a little sadly when he winced. "Sorry."

Mwu shook his head a little, smiled again, and bore the rest of the treatment with good grace, only occasionally scrunching his nose when the antiseptic stung.

"You're going to have to get used to this, I'm afraid. And you're lucky I don't have much else to do, or else the nurses would be treating you right now."

Another roll of his eyes. He didn't think much of the nurses' bedside manner, and they felt the same about his behaviour as a patient - in fact they'd been quite pleased that she'd chosen to take care of him herself.

"You're partly to blame for that, you know."

He just grinned.

 _Well, I'm not dead. Didn't expect that._

As his senses (slowly) returned he began to take more interest in his surroundings. He wasn't in sickbay itself, he didn't think, but rather a room connected to it. That was better. Not as many nurses glaring at him. Alright. Beeping of machines. Smell of antiseptic. That made sense - there was probably some on the whateveritwas on his face. It stung. And given the sort of scratchy feeling on other parts of his body, as well as a certain amount of discomfort, it wasn't just his face that was injured. _Not that surprising. What_ is _surprising is that I survived it._ He remembered the light and the smoke, remembered feeling exhilarated, glad that he'd been able to protect his ship and his captain. Not afraid of death - he'd faced it too often to be scared of it - but definitely regretful that he wouldn't be able to see what sharing peace with her might be like.

 _But I have another chance. We both have._ Of course, he'd need to get well first, which was probably easier said than done. Looking down at his feet he tried to wiggle his toes, relieved when they moved (slowly, but it was better than nothing). So they still worked, and so did his fingers when he tried to move them.

"Sit still," Murrue scolded gently. "I had a feeling you might start fidgeting when you woke up."

He smiled and looked around him, at the room empty of everything save for him and the machines, then back at her. _What else can I do?_

"You could try sleeping more," she replied as though he'd spoken aloud. "The doctors say it's the best thing for you. And don't roll your eyes at me."

He poked his tongue out instead, pleased when she laughed. Sleep might be the best thing, but it was also the most boring. If she was here, then he wanted to be awake while she was. _Just wish I could talk. There's a lot I want to tell her._ Like how sorry he was. Not for what he'd done - he'd been able to save her and the ship after all - but for worrying her. She wouldn't admit it, of course, but he could see it. _She hasn't been sleeping properly. Probably spends most of her time here._

"I'm really sorry."

He blinked. _Could have sworn I was supposed to be the one to say that._ He looked up at her, frowning as best he could and she did smile slightly, though there were tears in her eyes.

"It was my fault," she murmured after a moment. "All of it. I'm sorry."

Mwu huffed, doing his best to show his disapproval, and her smile grew. "I know," she said softly, reaching up to brush away the tears. "You don't think so. And if you could talk, no doubt you'd tell me that. Which is why I'm saying it now. You can scold me later." She tucked the blankets around him a little tighter before leaning forward to kiss his forehead. "I should be going now. Not to do paperwork," she reassured when he frowned again, "to sleep. Been a long day."

 _Good._ He smiled and puckered his lips for a kiss, but she shook her head. "Not allowed. They said to avoid things that increased heartrate."

He pouted.

"Don't sulk. I'll be here tomorrow." Before she left she took one of his hands and squeezed gently. "Love you."

He smiled. _Love you too._

* * *

"He woke up?"

She nodded, pouring coffee for the two of them. "He can't talk yet - smoke inhalation, the doctor said - so all he can do is pull faces."

"And did he?"

"Oh, yes. He didn't like it when I apologised to him."

Erica-san nodded, sipping her drink. "No surprise. I told you he wouldn't let you blame yourself."

"I know, but..."

"But nothing," she chided. "None of what happened was your fault, and even if by some chance it had been, he wouldn't care."

She smiled a little, sitting on the sofa beside her friend. "He wasn't happy when he found out I wasn't allowed to kiss him, either."

A laugh. "No doubt. Poor guy."

"He'll be all right. And I'll try and make it worth the wait."

"You going to keep on treating him?"

"For as long as I can, though he'll have to go into hospital once we get back to Orb. Not sure who that'll be more of a trial for, him or the nurses there."

"Probably the nurses. What about you? Where are _you_ going to stay?"

"Me? Here, most likely."

The older woman clucked softly. "No, you won't. You can come and stay with me. There's plenty of room there for you and for La Fllaga when they let him out. And no complaints."

"Won't we get in the way?"

"Nah. We're always having people staying over - I have the attic made up for guests. Plus it'll make it easier for you to visit him."

"And easier for you to get me to work for you."

"Well, there is that."

Murrue smiled, setting down her coffee and stretching out with a sigh.

"Long day?"

"Kind of. It's just nice to relax sometimes."

"Now that we have chance. Though we need to rebuild Morgenroete."

"I'm sorry. If we hadn't been there.."

Erica-san shook her head. "They'd have shown up whether you were there or not. Small price to pay to keep them from getting Kaguya."

"Will _anyone_ let me apologise?"

"When something's your fault, then you can apologise. If _Archangel_ hadn't been there in Orb, we might not have had the outcome that we did. I don't think rebuilding will take too long."

"Want some help?"

"Well, it'll take a while clearing all the rubble, and I want to try and get it rebuilt better if I can. While all that's happening, you can focus on getting La Fllaga well. He'll have to be in good shape if he's going to be one of my test pilots."

"I'll tell him that. It might help him recover faster." She knew he'd worried about it - having been a pilot and soldier for so long he wasn't sure what else he'd be able to do. _He needs something to do. Something he can look forward to. Being cooped up in sickbay and hospital for who knows how long will drive him crazy._

"It'll be slow going, huh?"

"Yes, and it'll be hard on him. But he'll be all right." _We both will._


	3. Chapter 3

She was here again. He'd been woken by the sound of footsteps, by the feel of warm hands, and opened his eyes just a fraction to see her cleaning one of the cuts on his left leg. Though he was glad she was the one taking care of him it still puzzled him - if she'd been the one hurt this badly he wasn't at all sure he could have treated her injuries himself. _Then again, I've never been as strong as she is._ Wanting to get her attention he wiggled his toes, smiling when she glanced up at him.

"Too early for you to be awake," she scolded softly. "Go back to sleep."

He shook his head, grinning when she aimed a mock frown at him. She visited for a few hours each day to change his dressings (glaring at any nurse who offered to take over) and keep him up to date with everything that was happening outside, but she never stayed as long as he'd like. So if she was here, then he'd stay awake.

"Did you sleep well?"

He nodded. Sleeping was pretty much all he could do right now - boring, but it passed the time, and both Murrue and the doctor had told him that it'd help him recover faster. And perhaps it was his imagination, but he _did_ feel a little better each time he woke up.Tapping his hand on the bed to get her attention again he whispered _Are you alright?_

"I'm fine," she assured him, squeezing his hand. "Now we're headed back I don't have that much to do. Erica-san - Director Simmons - has offered me a job and a place to stay, so that'll make it easier for me to visit you.."

 _In hospital,_ he silently finished. He'd guessed as much. He must have made some sort of face, because she smiled rather sadly and stroked his hair.

"I know. But here there are other people looking after you as well as me. I don't know if I could do it on my own. Not that I wouldn't want to," she amended, "but.."

He shook his head. _Don't worry_ , _it's okay._ Taking care of him properly without help would be too much work for her. She deserved to just go home, relax and not worry herself about anything. Even though he doubted that she would.

"I'm sorry."

 _Stop apologising._

She smiled at that. "I will, if _you_ promise not to when you get your voice back."

Mwu pouted. _No fair._

"What's not fair? You'd tell me exactly the same." Which was true enough, so he didn't argue. Instead he settled back and watched her work, wrinkling his nose as much as he was able to at the sight of his injuries. To put it bluntly, he was a mess. No wonder she didn't think she'd be able to take care of him on her own.

"It's really not as bad as it looks." She ruffled his hair gently. "The doctor says you're healing faster than most people with the kind of injuries you have would be expected to. I think they're going to try sitting you up in a couple of days, so I'll bring you some books."

He grinned. He'd never had much patience for reading, but since he was going to be in here for a while he may as well try and learn some. The shelves in her room were packed with books she'd brought along with her, so he wouldn't be short of material. _Any comic books?_

Murrue laughed. "No, I don't have any comic books. Or piloting manuals. I have a good collection of murder mysteries, though. How about I bring you one of those?"

He pursed his lips and nodded. Sounded okay.

"Good." Moving to stand at the head of the bed she carefully snipped away the bandages around his face, leaning down to kiss the tip of his nose before beginning to clean the injury there. "This is starting to look better."

 _Is it?_

She nodded. "You want to see?"

He wrinkled his nose. _Not really._ Though he'd never thought of himself as being particularly vain, he was still reluctant to see how much his appearance had changed. _Does it make me look weird?_

A fond smile. "No, it doesn't. Different yes, but not weird."

He grinned himself. _But you're biased._

She laughed again. "That's true. But really, once the swelling goes down it'll be just fine." Dipping her cloth into the bowl of antiseptic she dabbed at the wound. "Erica-san still wants you to come and work for her when you're better. She needs to rebuild her team of test pilots."

 _You'd let me fly again? After what's happened?_

"Of course I would. It's not like you asked for any of this to happen - you were just trying to protect us, that's all."

 _Thank you,_ he mouthed, glad she understood. If she'd asked, he'd have given it up (assuming he'd ever be fit enough to fly again) but would be at a loss as to what else to do with his life. Piloting was all he'd known since he'd been a teenager, the only thing he'd ever really excelled at. _But you'll still be worried, won't you?_

"I will. But that's okay. Erica-san will keep an eye on you."

 _And you'd kick my ass if I got hurt again._

She applied some lotion from a small bottle to the injury. "You bet I would. And _she_ probably would too."

He pulled a face, pleased when she laughed again. She did look a lot better - the dark circles under her eyes had all but vanished, and her smile was brighter. It sounded as though the Director lady might be looking out for her since he couldn't, which meant he had someone else to thank once his voice came back. _What else can we do?_

"Anything you wanted."

 _That sounds like fun. Be weird not being a soldier anymore, though._

Murrue opened a package of dressings, placing one gently over the injury. "If you asked, I'm sure the Orb military would be glad to have you."

He shook his head as best he could. _That's not what I meant. It'll be weird, but I can get used to it. And you'd help me, wouldn't you?_

Another kiss to his nose. "Of course I would." Helping him to sit up a little she finished bandaging his face. "There we go."

He did look better. More like himself. The colour had mostly returned to his face, the twinkle to blue eyes, and though he still looked tired, he'd get his strength back in time. And his voice. Fluffing the pillows she slipped a careful arm around his shoulders to help him lie back down - but he had other ideas. Setting his chin he sat up a little straighter and hugged her. It took her by surprise rather, but despite her concerns she returned the embrace as gently as she could, resting her cheek against his hair.

"I'm glad you're alright."

A snort that might have been laughter.

"You know what I mean." He was hurt, yes, and it'd take months for him to fully recover. But he was _here_. He was alive. "I thought.." She bit her lip, unable to finish the sentence, but given the way his embrace tightened a little he seemed to understand. Blinking back more tears she kissed the top of his head. "I'm okay."

He pulled away slightly to regard her with a fond smile, a bandaged hand reaching to brush away an escaped tear. _Don't cry anymore._

"I know." She looked around for something to dry her eyes, laughing when he offered a corner of his bedsheet. "I try not to, but it always comes back."

Mwu nodded, expression sympathetic. _I'm sorry. But I..._ He smiled a little. _You know why I did it._

"And that made it feel worse."

He blinked. _It did?_

"Don't get me wrong, I appreciate the gesture and not being dead. But;" She poked his nose. "I'd have preferred a hero who managed to save me _without_ getting himself blown to bits."

And he laughed. Having no voice still it was a rather croaky laugh, but nice to hear and still as infectious as ever, causing her to giggle along with him.

 _I didn't think of it like that,_ he admitted afterwards. _Were you mad at me?_

"I was mad at everyone. ZAFT, the Alliance, the guys on the bridge for staring at me, Natarle-" She broke off, forcing a smile. "I wasn't really thinking."

He pursed his lips slightly, glancing down at himself. _You think she really did it?_

"I don't know. Might have been Azrael. Doesn't really matter." Feeling the prickle of tears again Murrue swallowed hard, hoping he wouldn't notice.

But of course, he did.

 _They're gone, aren't they?_

She nodded. "No choice."

Silence, then he hugged her again. She did cry, tears escaping to soak into his hair, but didn't think he'd mind. What had hurt almost as much as thinking she'd lost him was how full of anger she'd been after Strike had disappeared. How much she'd hated the other woman. Even if it had only been for a few moments. But... She kissed the top of his head again. He didn't need to know any of that. He just needed to focus on getting well.

"Come on now," she said after a while. "Before the doctor gets mad."

An audible grumble, and he nuzzled closer. _Few more minutes._

She smiled. "Alright. But just a few, okay?"


	4. Chapter 4

"You look a lot better."

The man in the bed grinned. _Liar._

"Trust me, you do. Way better than the last time I saw you." Tugging out a chair Kira sat by his friend, managing an apologetic smile. "Sorry I've been so long in visiting."

Mwu-san waved a bandaged hand. _Don't worry about it. Been busy?_

"Kinda, yeah. Everyone's talking about what happens when we get to Orb, where we'll go, what we'll do... " He shrugged. "No-one's really sure, but Cagalli says she'll help as many people as she can."

 _What about you?_

"Don't know. Lacus says she wants to go live on Earth, so I guess I could go with her, or go back to Mom and Dad. Even if.." Kira frowned and looked away.

 _Nah, they're your mom and dad, kid. You know that._

He smiled a little. "Yeah. What about you? Hospital?"

His friend pulled a face and nodded, making Kira laugh. "It won't be _that_ bad, surely?"

 _No, I guess not. Just boring._

"It won't be for too long, though. And then.."

A smile. _Yeah._ He looked down at his lap, then peeked sideways at Kira. _Never got to thank you, did I?_

"For what?"

 _Finding me. She tells me you and the others were the ones who found me and brought me back. She offered to say it for me, but I wanted to wait and say it myself._

"You don't need.."

 _Course I do. You guys saved my life._ He rubbed at the bandages over his nose almost shyly. _And it meant that she.. Well, you know. Thank you for that, too._

Kira nodded, understanding. _It meant that Murrue-san wasn't left alone._ She herself had thanked them, coming to find them after she'd first visited Mwu-san. She'd tried to be formal, to say it as a captain would, but the emotions had gotten the better of her and she'd broken down in tears, only able to whisper her gratitude as she'd hugged each one of them.

"That you're here and getting well is all the thanks I need. I'm sure they'd say the same. Besides, if it hadn't been for both of you I wouldn't have made it past the end of the first week, let alone the end of the war. So we'll call it quits."

 _But.._ Mwu-san sighed. _All right, I guess. But she'll still try to find a way to pay you back._

"Probably. Is she doing all right? Lacus says she's treating you herself."

A fond smile. _She is, and she's doing fine. The Director lady's looking after her for me - going to give her a place to stay and something to do. I need to thank her too when I get chance._

Kira grinned. "And when you get your voice back."

An audible 'huff'. _Tell me about it. It's driving me nuts. And there's no sympathy from her either - she just makes fun of me._

"Maybe she appreciates the peace and quiet."

Mwu-san just snorted.

* * *

The kid didn't look right. He smiled and talked and said the right things, but he knew him well enough by now to be able to see that something was wrong. _The eyes,_ he decided. _The smile doesn't quite get there._ Probably he shouldn't ask, but in his experience bottling things up only led to more trouble later on.

 _What is it?_

Kira blinked. "Eh?"

 _There's something bothering you._

"I.." That half-smile again. "Just tired."

Mwu rolled his eyes. _Who are you trying to kid here? Me or yourself?_

And Kira told him. About the Allster girl, about how she'd been out there in one of _Dominion_ 's lifeboats - about how Klueze had killed her. The kid did cry, just a little, and Mwu managed to pat his arm awkwardly.

 _You get him?_

Another small smile, tears dashed away with the back of a hand. "No," he admitted ruefully. "He was caught up in that last blast from Jachin Due. I think he planned for it to happen that way."

 _Probably._ That Klueze was dead he'd known almost from the moment he'd woken up. It had been - still was - a strange feeling, one that he didn't quite have a name for yet.

"Are you okay?"

Mwu smiled. _Yeah. Just thinking._

"Can you tell?"

He nodded. _Could tell right away._

"Are you sorry?"

 _In a way. He never had much of a life. But I wouldn't wish him back or anything._ Leaning back against the pillows he blew upwards at his hair before peeking back at the kid. _You won't blame yourself, will you? About that girl?_

The kid's smile was kind of lopsided. "I'll try not to."

 _No. You have to promise that you won't._ Sitting up as best he could Mwu aimed a glare at his friend. _That sort of thing...it eats you up from inside. Took me twenty years and a good talking to to make me stop, and there are still times when I forget. I don't want anyone else to go through that. You hear me? What happened to her wasn't your fault._ He coughed sharply, waving away Kira's concern. _Right?_

"Right. I promise. Just please...lie back down before Murrue-san or the nurses catch you."

* * *

"You said all that? No wonder Kira-kun's been so quiet."

Mwu grinned somewhat sheepishly. _Didn't mean to be so forceful about it. He okay?_

"Seems to be. Are you?"

 _Nurses said I exerted myself too much._ A huff. _Threatened to sedate me if I didn't behave. As though I don't sleep enough as it is._

Murrue smiled and smoothed down his hair. "They're just doing their job. And the more you push yourself, the longer it might take to recover."

 _S'not like I tried to run a marathon or anything. Just coughed a bit._ At her expression he sighed. _And that's not the point. I know. Sorry._

She squeezed his hand gently. "For me, okay? It won't be for too long."

The smile returned, and he brought her hand close to kiss it. _Makes it harder to be patient when you know what's waiting, though._

"Yes, I know."

Another smile and he let go of her hand, settling back to let her work on his injuries. He seemed to have something on his mind though, blue eyes faraway, and she didn't think it'd be too long before he spoke up again.

And she was right.

 _You don't blame yourself anymore either, do you?_

"After what you said to Kira-kun, I daren't."

 _Not what I meant._

"I know it wasn't. And really, I'm trying not to. But it's not easy." She still saw and heard it all in nightmares. The light from _Dominion,_ the scream of alarms, the way Strike had... She shook her head, turning away so he wouldn't see her face.

 _Hey,_ A rustle of fabric, and a warm arm around her waist. _I'm sorry._

Despite her tears (which she quickly scrubbed away) Murrue smiled. "What did I just tell you?"

 _I'm ignoring you. C'mere._ And he hugged her, cheek resting against her shoulder. _There's nothing to blame yourself for. It was my decision._

She swallowed hard. _But if I'd only been better,_ she wanted to say, but knew he wouldn't agree or even accept that. "I know."

 _You told me back at Mendel that none of what had happened before was my fault, and you expected me to listen, didn't you?_ At her nod, he chuckled softly. _How is this any different?_

And she couldn't answer that.

 _Here._ Catching her arm he spun her around as best he could. _You said you were proud of me back then. Do you have any idea at all how proud I am of you?_

And she cried. She couldn't help it. Mwu sighed and pulled her close. _C'mon now, no more crying. It's going to be okay._

And for almost the first time, she thought that it really _would_ be.


	5. Chapter 5

It was probably unfair of her to laugh, but he looked so funny she couldn't help it. Looking up at the sound he scowled at her, folding his arms and slumping further down in the bed.

"I'm sorry. But they _did_ warn you."

A huff, he picking at the bedsheets. Instead of the side room he'd been in since his surgery he now occupied a bed on the main sickbay ward, in clear earshot (and probably line of sight) of the nurses' office. His own fault - despite her request he'd continued to try and move about more than they were happy with, and he'd tried so hard to get his voice back he'd given himself a bad throat. He must finally have pushed them too far.

"What did you do this time?"

He pointed to his mouth, then to the nurses' office, then to his ears before shaking his head. _Can't talk. They're listening._ Hiding another smile Murrue popped her head around the door.

"Found him out of bed trying to walk," was the answer before she could even open her mouth. "The idiot's still attached to an IV so it set about a dozen alarms off."

"I see. Thank you." She shot Mwu a glare, pleased when he winced and tugged the sheet over his head. "But he's alright?"

"Oh yes, he's fine - healing nicely still. Terrible attitude, though."

"I know. I'm sorry about that." Leaving the nurse to her work she crossed to sit beside his bed. The sheet rustled, and he peeked out from under it, looking so contrite she sighed and shook her head. "What did I ask you?"

 _Sorry_ , he mouthed. _Got bored._ A little smile, he rubbing at bandaged nose. _Hoped I might be able to come find you._

"And I'd have sent you straight back."

A croaky laugh. _Meanie._ Sitting up, he let her straighten out the bedsheets. _Everything all right today?_

"Mmm-hmm. Had breakfast over on _Kusanagi_ with Erica-san."

He made a face. _Don't._

"Sorry." They'd _just_ started letting him eat real food again, but the stuff they'd been giving him was apparently as bland and as tasteless as it looked. "Anyway, we've been going over ideas for the Morgenroete rebuild. She doesn't just want it the same as before."

 _Looking forward to it?_

Murrue smiled. "Very much. Building ships, mobile suits...that's my _real_ job. It'll be fun."

He nodded, looking thoughtful. _If you come up with something new, can I be the first one to try it?_

"Of course. I wouldn't even think about asking anybody else."

A pleased smile. _One more to add to the list._

"The list? You're still working on that?"

 _It's fun,_ he admitted, feeling almost shy. _Plus it helps me think about other stuff besides being stuck in here._ Since he hadn't any real clue about what to expect from a civilian life, she'd suggested he make a list of the things he might want to do and see in Orb once he was well. Anything, no matter how odd it might sound.

"How much do you have on there now?"

 _There are two lists, actually. One for little stuff and one for big stuff. The little list is just everyday things - real coffee, ice cream on the beach, camping.._

She grinned. "Camping?"

Mwu felt his face get hot under the bandages. _I always wanted to go camping when I was a kid, but I was never able to. It's dumb, I know, but..._

"It's not dumb at all. It sounds like fun. Okay, so what's on the big list?"

He glanced down at his lap, picking at the bedsheets. _That's..._ He shook his head. _Not yet. Not until I'm well._

A little sigh, but she was still smiling when he risked a sideways peek. "All right."

 _It's nothing bad,_ he tried to explain. _Just.._ Not able to find the words he wanted he ran a hand through his hair. _I just want to get better first. Then I'll tell you._

Her expression flickered, disappointment showing for just a split second before a rather forced smile appeared. "Okay."

And he had to smile. _Impatient. How do you know it's that important?_

"Because it's you. You wouldn't be this serious about it if it wasn't."

He reached out and took her hand, squeezing gently. _It is. Can you guess?_

Murrue nodded.

 _And you'd be okay with it?_

She laughed, leaning in to kiss his cheek. "Completely."

 _Even with me in the state I'm in? When it might take me a year or more to get better?_

"Of course," she replied matter-of-factly.

 _And when I don't have anything to give you?_ He tapped her left hand. _Doesn't that matter?_

"Not at all."

Mwu shook his head with a grin. _Then will you?_

An affectionate smile, and a careful kiss. "Yes."

 _Guess I cross that one off my list, then._

* * *

( I wanted to give her a birthday present :D

please read and review! )


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